


A Few Noble Truths

by helliongoddess



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen, Philosophy, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-25
Updated: 2011-07-25
Packaged: 2017-10-21 18:22:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helliongoddess/pseuds/helliongoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goku approaches a reluctant Sanzo for a long-overdue lesson in the Dharma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Few Noble Truths

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: No ownership of Saiyuki is implied or intended, no money is being made from this work.
> 
> Author's Notes: Awesome beta-advice from kirathaune, and most especially, from teru.bozu.ebi. They both gave me wonderful and incredibly helpful input, but all errors in judgment and mistakes are mine and mine alone. Arigato gozaimasu to you both.
> 
> This fic is dedicated to my dear friend ebi: you make me both a smarter and a happier person, and your friendship makes my little world a far, far better place to be. Suki dayo!

The flames of the campfire flickered hypnotically, illuminating the utter darkness of the isolated forest campsite. With the half-moon almost totally obscured by high fast-moving clouds, the light from the fire seemed even more luminous and intense than usual to Sanzo. It was almost eerily quiet, with just Goku and him in the camp: Gojyo and Hakkai had driven back to the last little general store they had passed to stock up on supplies. Sanzo had absolutely insisted, as he was itchy to get an early start tomorrow, and he didn’t want to be delayed right off the bat, by having to double back when they started out in the morning.

When he concentrated on the fire and endeavored to relax his mind and body, he almost felt as if his entire being was being drawn into the shifting flames. As Goku and he sat silently on one of the large logs the saru had dragged over to the campfire, Sanzo’s mind flitted like a restless moth from one subject to the next, and he struggled to control his unruly thoughts as they strayed towards the darkly enticing twin abysses of his unhappy past and his uncertain future. The minutes ticked by, and he gradually edged closer and closer to his ultimate goal, almost succeeding in completely clearing his mind as he continued to gaze at the leaping tongues of orange and gold fire. He was just at that precarious tipping point in his meditation, where he could easily slide right past fully relaxed and straight on into downright sleepy, when Goku’s insistent voice abruptly jolted him back to reality.

“Hey, Sanzo! How come you never taught me anything about Buddhism an’ stuff?”

Sanzo scowled and looked askance at the teen. He abandoned any hope of resuming his meditation, and lit a smoke. “Why are you asking me that?” he sighed heavily.

Goku frowned in concentration as he fixed his gaze firmly on the fire. “Well… Hakkai teaches me all kinds of school-y stuff, reading and maths and things, and Gojyo, well, he teaches me about what he knows – y’know, fighting, and cards, and girls…”

“Tch. You just be careful about what you let that fucking kappa teach you, ok? One goddamn horny watersprite in this group is more than enough.”

Goku giggled quietly. “Sure, Sanzo.” He continued determinedly, “but you never teach me about the stuff you know about. I dunno, it‘s just… well, I see how people look at you, an’ how important you are, bein’ a Sanzo an’ all, and I just realized… I don’t know anything about what it really means. I mean, I know you have the Sutra an’ all, but .…” His voice trailed off and he came to a anxious halt, unable to find the right words for what he was trying to say. It was obvious Goku was acutely aware that he might be trespassing into areas that were uncomfortable for Sanzo, and was treading with caution. After all, this was the man he called ‘his sun’, who he continued to view – to Sanzo’s perpetual chagrin – as his savior, the center of his universe, and the source of all things light and good.

Sanzo took a deep drag on the cigarette and let it out slowly. It wasn’t as if what Goku was asking had never occurred to him . By long before he was Goku’s age, his master Koumyou Sanzo had not only trained young Kouryuu in the Dharma well enough to be able to follow in his footsteps as a Sanzo priest, but passed on to him the immense responsibility for not one but two Tenchi Kaigen Sutras, thereby making him one of the most important figures in the Buddhist world, whether the young boy that had been known as ‘Kouryuu the River Rat’ wanted it or not.

And the real truth, if Sanzo was honest with himself, was that he didn’t really regret everything he had learned from Koumyou and the elders at Kinzan Temple. While it was no secret that he was far from the most adherent when it came to the strictures of the faith, particularly with regard to nonviolence, the plain truth was, not a day went by that he didn’t call upon one or another of the lessons he had learned at Koumyou’s knee: whether it was following his Master’s admonition to somehow make time for meditation every day, no matter what, or simply reminding himself of the importance of muichi motsu, which had been Koumyou’s creed - the ultimate, elegant summary of the doctrine of non-attachment. Both teachings proven invaluable in helping Sanzo to keep his shit firmly wired together and not completely surrender his mind to the chaos, as he struggled day-after-day in his unwanted role as the leader of the Sanzo Party, on their seemingly interminable road trip through hell.

It suddenly occurred to Sanzo that, should he somehow fuck-up and lose his life, in the course of this little jaunt to stop the Minus Wave (a distinct possibility, since they all had near-misses every day, and as much as he hated to admit it, he was the most vulnerable of the four), for better or worse, Goku might be as close to a legacy as he would ever have. He couldn’t help but wonder: if he did disappear tomorrow, just how the hell would Goku remember him? Just what would he retain from all their years together? Whacks with the harisen? Interminable rides in the jeep? Hideous bloody battles with giant crab demons, and hordes of berserk youkai? It bothered Sanzo more than he cared to admit, to think that those scenarios might be the only way Goku would remember him – especially compared to the rich collection of memories he had of his years with Koumyou. It felt like he was dropping the ball Koumyou had handed off to him somehow. A hot wave of shame washed over him, and it was not an emotion Genjyo Sanzo was at all comfortable with.

“Tch. And I thought I was gonna have a quiet evening, for once. I suppose I could try to teach you a few things, if you think you could hold still and actually listen. You really think your little monkey mind could absorb such complex shit?”

He tilted his head and looked at Goku critically, amazed at just how grown-up the teen looked as the glittering fire reflected in his large amber eyes. His shoulders seemed much broader now than Sanzo remembered them being, and his hands and feet looked like those of a full-grown man, having finally lost that outsized puppyish look they had for so long.

“Gods, Sanzo,” Goku groaned, rolling his eyes with exasperation, “give me a little credit. I’m not a complete moron, ya know.”

Sanzo hid a small grin behind the hand that cupped his smoke. ‘No, maybe not a complete moron, but still a little bit of a kid, in some ways.’ All the more reason Sanzo knew teaching Goku anything about the Dharma was going to require a fair amount of finesse: he was, after all, dealing with The Monkey Mind personified. And since he refused to resort to using oranges and candy for illustrations and incentives as Hakkai did, he struggled to decide just what elements of the teachings of the Buddha might be the most accessible to the teen, and exactly how he was going to communicate them. The prospect was a bit daunting, to say the least: it would certainly be a test of his ability to use Expedient Means, to come up with some kind of essential bit of Buddhist doctrine which he could break down and effectively convey to the thick-headed, literal-minded saru. Since he recalled that the monks back at Keiun Temple had tried to teach Goku a few lessons, he thought he might start by seeing what, if anything, he remembered.

“Ok, smartass,” he began, turning slightly on the log to face his student, “if you’re such a goddamned brainiac, tell me what you remember of what the monks back at the temple in Chang’an taught you.”

Even in the dim light, Sanzo was fairly sure he saw Goku blush as he dipped his head, unmistakably embarrassed, and began to answer him.

“Aww, crap... I was afraid you were gonna ask me that. Almost every time they tried to get me to come in for those lessons, I went and hid in a tree in the peach orchard...” he admitted hesitantly. “And the few times they got me into the classroom, I mostly just fell asleep... I’m sorry, Sanzo,” he stammered, “I… well, they just weren’t very interesting. You… you’re interesting. I wanna hear about what you know.… About what your…” he paused and looked up at Sanzo, “what… Koumyou… taught you. “

Sanzo flinched inwardly at the way Goku hesitated over Koumyou’s name. But it was all the more reason he felt compelled to do what Goku had asked of him, as much as he might rather not. Deep down, Sanzo knew it would immensely please the man he had called his master, to see him at least trying to pass on what Koumyou had worked so diligently to teach him.

Ok,” he said resolutely, “so we start from scratch. So, look… basically Buddha was just this very smart man – one of the smartest ever –who lived thousands of years ago. When he was pretty young he started to realize… well, that there was more to life than what he’d been taught. So he spent his life trying to figure it out: what life was all about, how people should live. When he figured it all out, he started teaching it all to a bunch of his students. Then his students taught more students who taught more students, and eventually, a couple of hundred years later, stuff started to get written down and collected in books. There’s different ones – the main one I studied is the Taisho Tripitaka. In India, the main one they use is the Pali Canon.

Goku beamed, wide-eyed. “Wow, cool… a cannon! Sounds like a neat book.”

Sanzo resisted the temptation to whip out the harisen in the first sixty seconds. “Not that kind of cannon, you meathead. Canon like… a collection of rules and beliefs.”

“Oh,” Goku said, chastised. “Sorry. So what kinda guy was he, Sanzo?”

“Well, he was born a rich prince, but when he was about your age, he gave it all up, left his family, and hit the road and traveled all over India and Shangri-la, meeting all kinds of people and looking for the truth.”

“Hey, Shangri-la, that’s where we’re goin’, right? Cool!”

“Yeah, that’s right. But, well, let’s just say things have changed a lot since then. So, anyway, he searched a long time and tried a lot of different things, and then he sat down under a big tree. He just sat there and thought, for a long time. Finally he figured everything out, and he understood the meaning of it all - he reached Enlightenment. That’s when he started teaching, so other people could do the same thing. He spent the rest of his life teaching.”

“Wow… maybe you could do something like that someday, be like Buddha. I mean, you’re really smart, an’ you have your own Scripture…. An’ you have traveled all over the place already, and you aren’t even really all that old…”

“Goku! For godssakes….” Sanzo was torn between exasperation and amusement. He had this mental image of the Buddha trying to teach the Dharma to the bakasaru, and he couldn’t help but think that even the Most Enlightened One might find his infinite patience tried. He shook his head and kept going.

“Just shut up and pay attention. Alright, look, one of the most important things he taught was called the Three Jewels.” He figured images and numbers might give Goku more concrete things to wrap his brain around, as he tried to grasp such abstract concepts. “Sort of like, hmm… like the Jewels are the gems in the crown of Buddhism, I suppose.”

“You mean like in your crown?”

“Yeah, kind of…” He sighed heavily. “Look, this’ll go a helluva lot faster if you stop interrupting me every other second, goddammit,” he growled, lighting another cigarette. “Anyway, Buddha knew it would be hard for most people to follow his teachings, so he tried to help by giving them these Three Jewels. Some people call it the Three Refuges – kind of like these are three things you can count on, when things are hard. Understand?” Goku nodded slowly and didn’t interrupt or question him, so Sanzo continued.

“The first of the Three Jewels is belief in Buddha and his words, which is just called ‘Buddha.’ Easy enough, right?” Goku nodded again, more eagerly this time. “Then there’s ‘Dharma,’ which is trying to learn and live by all the things Buddha taught. And last is ‘Sangha,’ which means having a community of people around you who all believe the same stuff, and help each other.”

“Sangha … that would be like you an’ me an’ Hakkai an’ Gojyo, right?” The teen grinned, certain he had grasped the concept.

Sanzo snorted. “Yeah, I guess…” he agreed reluctantly, “sort of.” As loath as he was to admit it, the monkey kind of had a point: in some very real ways, the Ikkou had become far more of a genuine Sangha for Sanzo than the entire temple full of poseurs and syncophants at Keiun had ever been.

“So… this is really important: Buddha believed that – here’s another ‘three’ thing for you – there are three things in life that are constant, and universal. One is that nothing in life is perfect – another is that everything in life is constantly changing - nothing ever stays the same. The last one is that we have to give up the idea of us being the center of the universe: he said we like to think of ourselves as separate from other people and the world around us, when really we are all part of a great whole. And the most important part of that last bit, about being a part of everything, is that every single thing that happens has something that caused it, and also has an effect on something else. This means you have to think about the causes and effects of everything you do. Your actions, even little ones, affect everything and everyone around you, including yourself - it’s called ‘karma.’” Goku was starting to look a little bewildered, so he stopped. “Questions?”

Goku paused a moment, his brow furrowed deeply, and finally spoke, slowly and carefully. “No, I think I understand. Nothin’ is perfect, nothin’ stays the same, an’ we are all part of this big huge thing, so we need to be really really careful, an’ think about everything we do.”

Sanzo laughed softly. “In a nutshell, yeah. Actually, ‘mindful’ is the word that is used instead of careful, but you’ve got it. Very good, Goku.” The teen beamed at the small nugget of praise, obviously keenly aware such accolades were not handed out lightly or often by the priest.

“Ok, wiseguy, let’s try you on something a little tougher.” The priest lit another cigarette and inhaled deeply before continuing. “The heart of the Dharma, and maybe the most important of Buddha’s teachings, is something he called the Four Noble Truths. It was the first thing he taught after he became enlightened. It’s not the simplest thing in the world, but it’s important, so pay attention.” He paused to glance at Goku. The steady unflinching gaze that met his told him that his student was hanging on his every word. Sanzo had to admit that he had rarely, if ever, been that attentive to either Koumyou or the other monks, and it had a sobering effect.

He pondered for a long moment, trying to decide how to communicate the rather abstract and complex concepts of the Four Noble Truths in a manner that would reach Goku.

“Ok. Think back to all those years you were alone in that cave,” he began. “Five hundred years is a helluva long time – several lifetimes for most people. What do you remember the most: how did it feel?”

Even in the dimming light of the dying fire, he could see Goku’s face start to darken as his large eyes grew distant and sad. Sanzo threw another log on the fire from the pile next to him and poked it with a long stick as he waited for the saru’s answer. He was grateful that Hakkai and Gojyo weren’t around: he was fairly sure neither of them would approve of this particular part of his teaching method.

“It was terrible…” Goku murmured. “It was cold, and lonely, and… “he shuddered as he remembered, “just awful.”

“Right. There you have the first two of the Four Noble Truths,” Sanzo stated. “Noble Truth Number One: all life is suffering. And not just you in your cave: everyone suffers, at some point in their lives – rich, poor, young, old…. Everyone has troubles, everyone has pain, everyone wants things they can’t have, everyone loses people they love, and everyone dies.”

“I’m not likin’ this much so far,” Goku grumbled quietly, staring intently into the flames.

“Hang on, it gets better soon,” Sanzo assured him, warming his feet by the newly-roused fire. “Noble Truth Number Two: all suffering comes from what Buddha called ‘attachment’ – in other words, from wanting things, craving or needing things. Think back: why were you so miserable in that cave?”

“Well… there was no food, an’ it was really cold almost all the time, an’ I was all alone, except for this one little bird who used to come see me… but then he died....” As Goku’s voice trailed off, Sanzo was a little taken aback to see how real and painful the memories of his long imprisonment still were for him.

“Exactly,” he encouraged. “You had – more than most people, I guess - an attachment to eating regular meals. Also to being warm and comfortable, and to being around others. It was the ‘not-having’ of those things that made you so unhappy. Are you beginning to understand?”

Goku cocked his head slightly and studied Sanzo intensely. “Yeah… I guess so,” he said slowly. “But it got a lot better when you showed up,” he grinned.

Sanzo fought back a smile of his own in response, and persevered. “Stick to the matter at hand, baka. The Buddha would tell you everything that makes you happy now can easily just go away, at any time: me, Hakkai, Gojyo, Hakuryu… regular meals… even this shitty life we have on the road, such as it is. Nothing is permanent, remember?”

Koumyou’s benevolent face glowed pale and luminous in Sanzo’s mind’s eye. He swallowed against the lump in his throat that threatened to stifle his speech, and fought to keep his voice level. “Knowing this should make us value things, and never take them for granted.”

He thought back to the first long years without Koumyou, and the countless times he’d beaten himself up, wishing he’d said and done things differently: spent more time with him, made fewer harsh sarcastic remarks, maybe just once told him how much he appreciated all he’d done for him.… It was one of the worst torments during those early years alone on the road, all the endless fucking regret. The truth was, he never wanted Goku to have to go through anything like that.

Unwanted images flooded his mind of a young newly-anointed Sanzo priest, alone and lost on dark strange roads and facing unspeakable terrors. As he fixed his eyes on the depths of the fire, time spooled forward to another bleak night when that same boy, older now and more careworn, also sat staring at a fire, wrestling with an encumbrance of ghosts he was far too young to bear. Earlier that night the old priest Jikaku had cautioned him not to let the load of his karma pull him under. Then he’d heard a commotion, and by the time he got back to the temple, a youkai gunning for revenge had mortally-wounded the old man, and yet another master had fallen on his behalf. He’d never forget how the old man had grinned like the devil himself as he tossed Sanzo his first pack of smokes, then peacefully breathed his last.

At first, Sanzo felt like Jikaku’s death simply added more shitty karma to his ever-accumulating pile. But as he assumed his role as Head Priest in charge of the old man’s temple, Sanzo’s life slowly began to change: the madness and grief that had tormented and almost engulfed him began to gradually recede. Tonight as Sanzo struggled to quiet the clamorous ghosts from his past, that familiar old dark pain threatened once again, and he fought back the prickles of tears that stung at his eyes. ‘Goddammit! Muichi-fucking-motsu, you idiot,’ he told himself firmly. How the hell could he preach non-attachment to the kid, if he couldn’t even manage to let go of this baggage from his own past? He let out a long slow sigh, remembering the old man’s admonition to try not to take it all in one breath, and rolled his shoulders slowly, squaring them as if to better distribute the load of karma that had ridden there, along with the Maten Sutra, for so very long.

A tentative touch on his knee jolted him back to the present. He looked up to face earnest golden eyes, dancing as the flames reflected in them. “I’d never take you for granted, Sanzo,” Goku decreed solemnly, “you saved me. I think every day about how lousy it was in that cave, an’ how much better it is now, with you, an’ the guys, an’ Hakuryuu. Even the worst day now is better than the best day I ever had in that cave. I wouldn’t have nothin’, if it wasn’t for you, Sanzo.”

“You wouldn’t have anything, idiot,” Sanzo growled, turning away quickly from the naked admiration in Goku’s glittering eyes.

Goku laughed. “Jeez, now you do sound like Hakkai. I thought this was a lesson on Buddha, not grammars!”

“There’s no point teaching you a goddamned thing about Buddhism, if you can’t discuss it without sounding like an illiterate moron. Leave that to the idiot kappa.”

“Sanzo…!”

“Anyway. So…. If I remember correctly, we still have two more Noble Truths. The first two are no good without the last two.”

“I hope they’re not as depressing as the first two, Sanzo. Sheesh!”

“I told you it got better, didn’t I? Now pay attention, baka.”

Goku turned to straddle the log so he was facing the monk, and tossed the raggedy stick he had been mindlessly dismembering into the fire. Sanzo fought back another smile as he saw the openly-eager look that faced him, and lit another smoke to give himself a moment to collect his thoughts.

As he considered all the steps on the Eightfold Path, it occurred to him suddenly that Son Goku, without having ever been taught it, was probably closer to living his life according to all eight of the steps on the path to the cessation of suffering than anyone he’d ever known, with the exception of his long-gone Master, and maybe Jikaku, the old tanuki. Why was that? How? Had Goku perhaps lived a number of other lives, in addition to the one that resulted in his five-hundred-year imprisonment, accumulating wisdom in each of them? Was it all those long years in that damned cave, all alone with nothing to do but think? Or was it simply an innate goodness, some inexplicable part of his Goku nature, that made intuiting the right choices - for it went without saying the saru was not prone to deliberation or analysis - as natural for Goku as breathing? Sanzo was jolted even more when it occurred to him that, as the Great Sage Equaling Heaven, perhaps Goku just came equipped with that instinctive decency, which dominated as long as he wore his diadem, as a natural yang to the very strong and violent yin of the Seiten Teisei -- a kind of built-in buffer for all that raw elemental power.

Whatever the reason behind it, Goku being who and what he was, Sanzo felt certain that the last two Noble Truths – while the most complicated – might be the easiest for him to understand.

“Alright. The Third Noble Truth is that there is a way to end all the suffering.”

“Awesome!” The teen’s countenance brightened immediately, and he studied Sanzo expectantly. “What is it, Sanzo?”

Sanzo considered giving Goku the Eightfold Path, but thought the better of it, and decided to instead opt for the more condensed version, the Three Qualities. They were really just two different means to the same end, and he figured the simpler the better – besides, he was starting to get tired and felt his sleeping bag beckoning him. Worse yet, he was down to his last couple of cigarettes.

“It’s dead simple. There’s just these Three Qualities – three things we’re supposed to practice in our daily life. Buddha said the pursuit of these Three Qualities was the way to end suffering. “

Sanzo didn’t think he’d ever seen Goku as focused on anything as he was on him at that moment, and it moved him for some reason. He had an inkling Goku might always remember this night and what he was telling him, and it gave him a good feeling to know that the saru would have a decent memory of this first lesson in the wisdom of the Buddha - the same wisdom Koumyou had begun to pass on to him only months after he had pulled him as very young boy, scared and shivering, from the Yangtze River.

“First,” Sanzo began, “there’s Wisdom. Just understanding things, thinking the right way… trying to learn things, and using what you learn in good ways. Understand?”

Goku nodded seriously.

“Second, there’s Morality. Doing the right thing – with what you say, how you live your life, even what you do for a living. Pretty straightforward, ne?”

“But how do you know what’s the right thing, Sanzo?” Goku queried solemnly. Sanzo knew that Goku already, thanks to some of their experiences on the Journey, was beginning to learn that life was not as simple as he had once thought, and the answers to question were not always so clear-cut – his life had taken on many more puzzling shades of gray of late. Goku had seen that sometimes good people did bad things, and sometimes, bad things happened, even when you did the right thing….

“It’s not always easy, to put it mildly,” Sanzo replied. “And nobody gets it right all the time. Everyone makes mistakes, Goku. The important thing is to try: to want to do the right thing, even if you don’t succeed. It goes into a lot more detail in the Taisho Tripitaka - specific stuff about how people should live - you can read it yourself, or I can tell you more about it, some other time, if you want.”

Goku nodded eagerly. “Yeah, Sanzo. I kinda like this stuff…it’s interestin’, the way you tell it. I think-- well, if you wouldn’t mind, maybe?-- I think it would be kinda cool to do this again.”

Sanzo nodded his assent. “Ok. Also, Goku, you know…” he looked at him, keenly aware he needed to say something more, but not at all sure what it was or how to say it. “You can always ask,” he finally said quietly, “if you aren’t sure what to do, at times, you know, Hakkai, or me…” he sighed, and reluctantly added, “or, I suppose, even the damned kappa.”

Goku grinned at the grudging concession, and nodded. “I know, Sanzo, an’ thanks! So, what’s the last one of the Three… err… Qualities, that’s it!”

Sanzo tipped his head slightly at the teen, and gave him a small nod of approval, impressed again with his retention and focus. “Good, Goku. The last one is Meditation. That means, for one thing, to be thoughtful – or mindful, like I said before – about everything. Be careful: don’t rush through shit, like you do with your food. Slow down, appreciate things. And remember karma – everything you do has causes and effects.”

Somewhere inside, Sanzo felt something almost like a soft nudge, and he had an eerie feeling, almost as if Koumyou was looking over his shoulder, as he mentioned karma and mindfulness to Goku. It was as if he was being gently prodded, to listen himself to what he was teaching the teen, and maybe be a little less heavy-handed with the fan and gun, when it came to his temper. He could almost feel the soft warmth of Koumyou’s wry smile and the kind gaze that he remembered so well. Sanzo looked up at the night sky, now almost cloudless, and tried to shake off the haunting feelings. He told himself he was being foolish and maudlin, probably just because he was tired, and moved on quickly to finish up the remainder of the lesson so he could go to bed and forget about it.

“So, obviously, it also means to meditate - even if it’s just sitting for a few minutes a day and being still and quiet. Buddha said everyone needs to do this, not just monks.”

“You meditate a lot, Sanzo.”

“Not that much, really. It’s not easy with you noisy goons always around, and it’s not like I have a lot of free time on my hands these days.”

“Yeah, I guess not…”Goku said, a little guiltily.

“There were times in the Temple I would meditate for several days at a time.”

Sanzo could see that Goku was amazed by this revelation. As long as Goku had known him, Sanzo had always been so busy with his duties as head of Keiun, he’d never been able to steal much more than a half-hour from his duties for solitary meditation. Sanzo remembered how hard it had been for Goku at first, to respect his need for that precious time alone, but the boy had wanted badly to please Sanzo, so he had tried to find other ways to amuse himself, and gradually it got easier for him. But clearly Goku found such prolonged meditation a much more daunting prospect.

“All day? Man, Sanzo, did you even eat?”

Sanzo laughed softly - it always came down to the gut with the bakasaru. “Usually we would have silent meals during contemplative retreats, but yeah, sometimes I would fast.”

The teen’s eyes goggled. It was obvious Goku could hardly imagine sitting still and quiet all day long, much less giving up food, as well. He gulped slightly. “Do… do I have to do that?”

Sanzo pitched his cigarette butt into the fire and tried not to laugh. “No, monkey, I think you might actually explode if you tried that. Probably not a good idea.” He cocked his head slightly as he studied Goku. “If you seriously want to learn, I guess I could try to teach you a few meditation techniques. I suppose it couldn’t hurt. It might even come in handy for controlling that thing inside you, if you could learn a little mental discipline with meditation, you know?”

Goku looked away from him and back at the fire, obviously pondering what Sanzo had said. Sanzo had no illusions - it would be very hard for Goku. He’d had a hard enough time just sitting still for his lessons with Hakkai. And he could tell from the troubled expression on Goku’s face that the whole idea kind of scared him: given how hard he always tried to please Sanzo, taking on something new like this, in Sanzo’s particular area of expertise, the stakes would be very high for him. But Sanzo had a feeling this was important, for some reason - for both of them. And the idea of Goku learning anything that might help him make peace with the powerful dark entity that dwelled within him was a strong motivator to try to make it work somehow.

Sanzo saw a resolved expression come over Goku’s face as he turned back towards him. Apparently he had made the decision to wrestle with his Monkey Mind and venture carefully a little further into Sanzo’s world.

“Yeah, I think… I think I wanna try, Sanzo.”

Sanzo stood and stretched slowly. He put a tentative hand on Goku’s shoulder, and gave it a quick squeeze before letting go. “You did well tonight, monkey. I guess we can try to teach you a little meditation, too. We’ll start tomorrow. But right now, it’s past time for bed. Go on, now. ‘Nanny Hakkai’ would be pissed as hell, if she came back and found you still up this late. And don’t forget…”

The teen laughed as he stood and automatically threw one last huge log onto the fire. “I know, I know! To brush my teeth. Gods, Sanzo, I’m not a little kid anymore,” Goku chided, grinning impishly as he waved goodnight and vanished into his tent.

“No. No, I guess you’re not,” Sanzo sighed. He tipped his face up towards the pale moon as it drifted slowly and elegantly along in a sea of star-dappled cobalt. “I guess we all have to grow up, sooner or later, don’t we…?”  
~owari~


End file.
